Politically Incorrect: 4 Rants

I am not sure where political correctness ends and stupidity begins anymore. I am not sure I ever knew. But what I do know is that everywhere I look, people are cowering in corners for fear of insulting or offending someone else. Recently Macy’s made the news for allowing its employees to say “Merry Christmas,” but I notice Best Buy is holding out for the more politically correct “Happy Holidays” and Target is still giving the Salvation Army the boot. Retailers may be leading the politically correct crowd, but the travel industry is right behind them. Here are four things that simply leave me reeling.

Imams in Minneapolis. A group of Muslim imams prayed publicly in the gate area at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport last month (declining to make use of a designated prayer room), engaged in several types of suspicious behavior (buying one-way tickets, paying cash, changing seats, requesting seat-belt extenders when their size didn’t require them), refused to obey the orders of a flight crew, and so were deplaned and held for questioning. I say good move on the part of US Airways, the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) and the FBI.

It now appears that the group posed no threat to public safety, and I am sorry the imams were inconvenienced, but come on! Had these gentlemen not seen any news broadcast in the last five years? Did they really think their behavior would cause no alarm? Which red flag did they not see?

Now comes an interesting development. After the imams were deplaned, they cried that their civil rights had been violated, threatened a lawsuit, and called for a boycott of US Airways. Ah, now it is becoming clearer: This is more about money than about freedom of expression. Now they have graciously offered to meet with the airline to discuss an out-of-court settlement. Where is our collective brain? Doesn’t anyone see that this is all about money? I say, let them have their boycott, and US Airways will have my business. Cave in and I just might call for a boycott! Check out the Tripso Forums for more on this topic.

Muslims cabbies in Minneapolis. What? Minneapolis again? A group of Muslim cabbies has said that it will not transport passengers from the airport if they are carrying alcohol. Neither will they take them to a liquor store or a bar. Such ordinary cabbie duties are apparently against their religion.

Come on! If I am a vegetarian, I do not go to work at the Outback Steakhouse. If I do not want to transport liquor, I do not become a cab driver. Man, if I had Bill Gates-type money, I would put a workforce in that airport handing out bottles of hooch that say “Welcome to Minneapolis/St. Paul.” I would do it for every arriving passenger and I would do it for six months. That might change those cabbies’ tune.

But nothing so drastic is needed. A taxi cab is a public conveyance, and cabbies are regulated in most cities. So the solution is simple: If a cabbie refuses a fare because of his own religious scruples, yank the license! There’s more on this topic in the Tripso Forums.

Breastfeeding on airplanes. Oh my! Imagine the gall of a woman attempting to nourish her child on an airplane. Such behavior should be dealt with severely and swiftly. And it was.

Thanks to a horribly wrong call on the part of a Freedom Airlines flight attendant (ironic, huh?) operating on a Delta Air Lines flight (I am not going on a code-share rant—yet), a woman was deplaned for breastfeeding her child on the airplane. Mind you, the “porno show” was covered with a blanket, the mother was in a window seat, the middle seat was empty, and the father was in the aisle seat. But this did not stop the flight attendant from giving mother and child the heave-ho. I’m sure that same flight attendant would have been the first to squawk if the child began to wail when the pressure built up in her ears. But since it seems anyone can now inflict their own ideas of morality on anyone else, this decision flew—without mom and the baby!

My solution: Send this overzealous flight attendant to sensitivity training, or hand her a pink slip. Agree? Disagree? Speak your piece in the Tripso Forum on this topic.

Resistance to airline safety measures. Hello, folks. Hello? Anyone home? Remember that sunny day in September 2001? We are indeed at war. Perhaps it’s not the most effective war, but there are people intent on hurting the U.S. out there, and the airline sector is a huge target. That is a fact. And while the TSA is one of the most inept law enforcement organizations I have ever witnessed, I must say they are doing better. We are marginally safer than we were on September 10, 2001. So why, when new safety measures are introduced, do they meet such resistance?

The Trusted Traveler Program — a great idea given adequate background checks. But, oh no, that would be an invasion of privacy. I say: Invade all you want if it makes me safer. The Body Scan X-Ray Program — another great idea. But no, someone might be able to see that you have a penis or a pair of breasts (or both, I guess). People, they are not filming this for YouTube! The screener is in another part of the building, and the novelty will wear off after the first hour, I assure you. Hey, if someone wants to take a peek and I am safer — go for it! We are talking about this topic in the Tripso Forums, as well.

OK, that’s enough for now. But these are just four of my recent rants. There are many more. Like, why are the cruise lines taking the heat on norovirus when it is present all over the place? Why isn’t it called the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que Virus? And why are the airlines making it so hard to redeem my “loyalty” points? And why aren’t people supporting New Orleans like they should? I’ve got a million of them.

But how about you? What’s got you in a lather? I would love to know. Just send me an e-mail, and I might use it to launch a future column. Until the next time, and with many thanks to Larry the Cable Guy, I wish you all a Merry Nondenominational Winter Holiday and a Safe and Happy January 1st!

Cruising For A Recovery

I have always loved New Orleans, and after Hurricane Katrina took her out in August 2005, I became one of the city’s biggest cheerleaders for tourism recovery. Ditto for Cozumel, which took a hard hit from Hurricane Wilma just two months after Katrina. I’ve never been one to weep and wail from the sidelines, so earlier this year, I organized Tripso’s “Cruise for a Cause,” a five-day trip in late October. The idea was to get a firsthand look at how New Orleans and Cozumel are doing — and to raise some money to get these two great destinations back on their feet.

Cruise for a Cause had some fantastic support and great bookings. Carnival Cruise Lines kicked in some money, and we booked cabins on its recently refurbished ship Fantasy. We got a fantastic special from the hotel Maison Dupuy and from Dominique’s restaurant in New Orleans, along with a discounted “Disaster Tour” of the devastated areas from one of my favorite outfits, Tours by Isabelle. We also booked a “Ghost Tour” of New Orleans from Haunted History Tours — the perfect adventure for Halloween Week.

Thanks to all who made the trip possible. Herewith, my report.

The good news is that both destinations are open for business, and that business is picking up with the return of the cruise ships. Before we left, I spoke with Mary Beth Romig, director of communications and public relations for the New Orleans Metropolitan Convention & Visitors Bureau.

“The return of the cruise industry signals another milestone in the city’s recovery as we continue to send the message across the nation and the world that we are open for business,” Romig said. “The strength of the Port of New Orleans is another success story in the city in terms of progress. With regard to tourism, what the cruise industry brings is those travelers who tend to combine the cruise experience with the port city experience. Hence we see the ripple effect of the economic impact on the hospitality industry, as these visitors extend their trip either pre-cruise or post-cruise to enjoy all New Orleans has to offer.”

Touring New Orleans

I have argued in earlier columns that tourists should offer vacation dollars to the cause of rebuilding New Orleans. I’ve said it more than once: “Just go.”

But what about the health hazards? The crime? The pestilence? (I have always wanted to use that word.) Don’t worry. You won’t find them. Unless you are very lost, you won’t even see much damage. Instead, you will find welcoming faces and folks thanking you for coming. In fact, I have never received more heartfelt thanks!

In New Orleans, a quick walk around the French Quarter and the Central Business District turned up a few shops and restaurants with limited hours, but in general the city was ready, willing and able to accommodate visitors. Jazz was playing, go-cups were going and most major attractions — everything from the zoo to the casinos — were doing a brisk business.

We got a rather different perspective on our “Disaster Tour,” ably led by our guide Stanley, who took us to some of the harder-hit outlying areas. Still, there was good news. I have been on this tour four times since Katrina struck, and I am happy to report that for the first time, I saw real progress being made outside the typical tourist centers. Sure, there were some desolate neighborhoods, but most were beginning to emerge from the ruins. I guess the insurance money is finally beginning to flow. Unfortunately, the Lower 9th Ward is still a mess; it will probably be years before it even begins to resemble anything close to “normal”. But people are working, people are partying and people are enjoying all that this city has offered for hundreds of years.

Cruising and Cozumel

The cruise portion of our getaway was notable because it was Carnival’s first sailing from New Orleans since Katrina. Fantasy is one of Carnival’s older ships, but a recent renovation spruced her up a bit. The embarkation had several glitches, but that’s not surprising when you consider that the port team had been out of practice for more than a year.

Once aboard, we found the ship a great place to celebrate the return of cruising to New Orleans. We certainly never had to go far to find a good time. From the Newlywed Game, to the Hairiest Chest Competition, to scavenger hunts for the kids — it was all there for the taking. And in true New Orleans style, this Halloween voyage had plenty of costumes to enjoy. I was surprised that besides our group, most of the passengers were locals. My minority status was confirmed on Sunday when, in a huge lapse of good judgment, I let out a cheer for the Baltimore Ravens only to be glared back into my cabin by 600 New Orleans eyeballs. These fans take their Saints very seriously!

After an unusually windy and rough day at sea, we arrived at Cozumel and docked at the Punta Langosta Pier in the center of town. As in New Orleans, we were greeted with huge smiles everywhere; I truly felt appreciated for being there. Construction on the International Pier (a few miles from town) is still ongoing and there were conflicting reports about when it would be completed. Throughout the town, building and rebuilding are in full swing. One of my fellow cruisers checked out the Intercontinental Hotel to see if it would be open for her trip in January — no problem!

Perhaps the most disheartening legacy of Wilma is the damage done to the offshore coral reefs, which have long been a paradise for divers. The sea life is slowly returning, but the reefs took a bad hit, and it will be years or even decades before they recover. One of my favorite pastimes in Cozumel on previous trips was to spend a day swimming and snorkeling in Chankanaab Park. The park is still open, but it will likely disappoint swimmers and divers for several more months. However, the park’s two dolphin encounter programs are up and running, and these can be a terrific alternative to snorkeling on your own.

Our five-day Cruise for a Cause seemed all too short, as all leisure trips tend to do. Although we are still tallying the numbers — and trying to make the difficult decision of which organizations to support — I am glad to report that the event was a success and the generosity of Carnival Corporation and our readers will go a long way toward helping some needy people.

If you’d like to take a look at the trip, check out my photo album or some of the other New Orleans trips. And if you are interested in meeting me in New Orleans for Mardi Gras in February, send me an e-mail!

Honeymoon Planning: 6 Tips

One of the major components of wedding planning is the honeymoon. If you are a traditionalist, you may expect the groom to handle the details. In the words of Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”: “Mistake, big mistake.”

Not that a man is incapable of planning a trip — certainly he can. But one person planning a trip for two can easily screw things up. And, if there is any trip that shouldn’t be screwed up, this is it. The honeymoon is the big kahuna of travel, and it would be wise to remember that important marriage line: “Till death do us part”! You don’t want a honeymoon disaster hanging over your marriage for the next 60 years.

So please, avoid the temptation to book an Internet special to some surprise destination. Instead, sit down with your soon-to-be-spouse and a travel agent. Work together as a trio and your idyllic week or more in paradise will go off without a hitch. Yes, there may be a fee, but it’s worth every penny.

Here are six honeymoon tips to get you started.

1. When? You can travel anywhere, at any time of the year, and each destination will have something memorable, for sure. But please, don’t’ wait till the last minute to plan this event. Begin your honeymoon planning as soon as you’re done with the ring. Advance planning gives your travel professional the time to put it all together, and you might be able to score an upgrade or two.

2. Where? You really have to talk with each other about this one. Do you long for the romance of Paris or Tahiti, the history of Rome, the art of Barcelona, the nightlife of London, the seclusion of some remote Caribbean beach, the glitter of Vegas, the charm of New Orleans? Or maybe your hearts’ desire is the Poconos in a rotating, heart-shaped bed. The point is, the decision has to be mutual. If you need some help deciding, e-mail me for a destination guide.

3. Sailing? Cruises have become very popular for honeymoons. If you both enjoy seeing a lot of sights and want to visit many destinations, a cruise might be a good choice for you. There are cruises out there to fit every style and every budget. If you’re interested in a large ship with lots of activities, take a look at Carnival, Princess or Royal Caribbean cruise lines. If you are looking for a smaller ship with a more intimate, romantic setting, think about Seabourn, Silversea or Windstar (which has four-masted sailing vessels). Prices will range from $75 per person per day to just under $300 per person per day. One caveat: If you decide on a cruise, do not scrimp on the cabin. Go with the most you can afford and never, never, never take an inside cabin.

4. Resort? Some of the all-inclusive resorts like Sandals, which has properties all over the Caribbean, are built and programmed with romance in mind. Others are a little less all-inclusive in their offerings, but are more unique, private, and exclusive. A lot of today’s honeymooners are opting to split their time between the two kinds of resorts. Yes, it involves packing up and moving midway through the honeymoon, but I recommend it. For example, try the romantic seclusion of Ladera in St. Lucia for, say, three days right after the wedding, followed by four days at Sandals Grande St. Lucian Spa & Beach Resort for some fun and partying with other couples. Pricing for all-inclusive and exclusive resorts is comparable to pricing for similar cruises.

5. Cost? This is not a time to pinch pennies. If you are planning on having children, this might be your last vacation alone together for the next 18 years! Make it count. Your travel professional will ask you about your budget. Be honest! Your agent will make it work. But you should know that it is not unusual for honeymooners to blow their budget by about 10 percent (“Hey, we only get married once, right?”), so plan for a bit of a cushion.

6. Insurance? Buy travel insurance. You never know what will happen, and because the honeymoon is likely to be a big financial and emotional investment, you want to be covered on this trip. Some policies now have options for cancellation for any reason — which could include cold feet. (But that’s not you!)

Don’t become one of those honeymoon couples that end up in a “Funniest Travel Stories of the Year” column. Unfortunately, honeymoon disasters are all too common. Have you heard the one about the bedbugs in the honeymoon bed? Or the one where the groom went to Panama, but the bride ended up in Panama City, Florida? I could tell you more, but my lips are sealed!

Plan ahead, my friends, and plan wisely. At this important time in your life, you really do need the help of a good, qualified professional.

Go Ahead--Take The Kids To Rome

I have a family tradition with my kids. In third grade (theirs, not mine), we go one-on-one to some place cool for a bonding vacation. The kid gets to choose the destination, with some guidance from me. My son chose China and my older daughter chose Barcelona. Elizabeth, my youngest and the next up, was torn between Serbia and Rome. That’s when the fatherly guidance came into play. After a brief discussion, we were making plans for a trip to the Eternal City, beginning with a trip to Borders Books & Music to get some guidebooks.

Uh-oh. All the guidebooks told the same story: Rome is not the place for kids. Well, I was never one to follow instructions too well (just ask any of my schoolteachers), so off we went to prove the naysayers wrong.

As soon as we landed in Rome, I knew my worries were for naught. We were in the very center of the ancient world, the mother church of Catholicism, the birthplace of pizza and gelato! Now, from my four years in college (OK, it was actually five years), I knew for a fact that man can indeed live on pizza and ice cream alone. So I set a challenge for my 9-year-old daughter: Find the best pizza and gelato in Rome. Of course, she would not realize that in the course of that quest, she’d get a lot of culture and history, too. Shhh, it’s still my secret!

Our hotel, the Hotel Arcangelo, is a small hotel within easy walking distance of the Vatican. The rates were right, the room was fabulous, the daily breakfast was more than adequate and the service was sublime. The hotel sent a car to pick us up at the airport and also handled our return. The hidden gem of the hotel is the rooftop “piano” (OK, I admit it, I did look around for a piano on the roof, but I never found one. Apparently “piano” is the Italian word for “top floor terrace” on an elevator button. Who would have thunk it?) Via Boezio 15 – 00192, Rome.

Elizabeth and I soon ventured out with an agreement not to spend a lot of time in “boring” museums and long lines, and rededicating ourselves to our mission (Pizza! Gelato!). Here are some highlights of the trip:

• The Vatican and the Sistine Chapel. We thought we had gotten a jump on the line to see the Vatican Museum, which included a trip inside the Sistine Chapel, but our jump was not enough and the wait to the door was more than two hours. So off we went to explore on our own and wound up at the Basilica di San Pietro (St. Peter’s), the spiritual center of the Catholic Church and a major destination for Catholic pilgrims. We weren’t pilgrims, but we were plenty awed by the art and architecture. We were especially drawn to the dome, which was designed by Michelangelo with an outer shell to protect the gold-encrusted interior dome. Between the shell and the dome is a spiraling (often dizzying) walkway that we climbed all the way to the cupola, which overlooks Rome and Vatican City. It was a tight and slanting climb, eerily reminiscent of a carnival fun house, but it was definitely worth the effort. The basilica itself is spectacular, and not only for another Michelangelo masterpiece, “Pieta,” which lies behind bulletproof glass. The tomb of Clement XIII by Canova was also very interesting, with just enough creepiness to make it especially kid-worthy.

• Chiesa di Santa Maria in Cosmedin. This basilica is famous for its Bocca della Verita (Mouth of Truth), a former Roman sewer cover now embedded in the portico wall of the church. Tradition says the “mouth” will bite off a liar’s hand. (My daughter survived the test, and I have adapted to typing with one hand.) The church itself is often overlooked by the throngs of people lined up for their turn at the Mouth of Truth, but its Early Medieval architecture, frescoes, mosaic floors and Masonic imagery are also well worth a look.

• Circo Massimo, or the Circus Maximus, was built around 600 B.C. Billed as one of the largest venues built purely for entertainment, it is said to have seated 385,000 people. The long, oval field was the scene of chariot races and contests between gladiators and wild beasts. Today, only a small section of ruins survives, on the south end. It is a large, lovely park frequented by joggers, lovers and my daughter and me with a picnic lunch.

• The Flavian Amphitheater. Huh? Or, for you non-Romans, the Coliseum. This was the site of ancient gladiator battles and is one of the prime symbols of Rome. Throughout the years, various popes quarried its marble, so this once-majestic building is more run down than it should be. Still, its size and history are breathtaking. Admission was a bargain, but the lines were long. The experience is worth the wait, however, so long as you avoid the hokey faux gladiators that surround the site (believe me, they are only interested in modern currency!).

• The Forum. This was once the political and religious center of the Western world. Today, the Forum consists of fragmented columns and ancient pockmarked streets. However, even in this condition, it is a testament to the ingenuity of Roman civilization. The must-sees in the Forum are the Sacred Way, the Via Trionfale (where generals paraded with their soldiers and prisoners) and the ancient Senate House. Scattered around are smaller basilicas, temples, monuments and arches. It was here that we made friends with many of the stray cats that seem to have taken up residence in a house dating from the first century B.C.

• The Pantheon. We discovered the Pantheon on our first day by accident, while in search of the best gelato. This huge round temple was dedicated to all the Roman gods and is considered the best-preserved ancient structure in the city. It was rebuilt in the second century by Emperor Hadrian and has the largest unreinforced concrete dome ever built; 142 feet wide and 142 feet high, it is a perfect sphere, and the walls are 20 feet thick. I stared in awe at this engineering feat for close to half an hour, wondering how they managed it without a crane or backhoe. Sunlight enters the building through a small window in the center of the dome, making the colors in the marble floor come alive. The first king of Italy, Vittorio Emanuele II, is buried here, as is the painter Raphael (my daughter was hoping for Ninja Turtles). Admission is free, but there is usually a moderate wait.

• Spanish Steps and Piazza di Spagna. These steps and piazza lie at the heart of the shopping district, which includes stores like Fendi, Dolce & Gabanna, Louis Vuitton and my favorite: the Ferrari Store! The Spanish Steps are a great vantage point for watching the life of Rome pass by. Be prepared for crowds — any time of the day or night. Observe the street musicians, vendors, lovers and fellow tourists. The flowers on the steps were in full bloom for our visit and they were a sight to behold. At the base of the steps is a fountain credited to two Berninis (father and son), and John Keats’s house overlooks the steps.

• Trevi Fountain. This is perhaps the most famous fountain in all of Rome, and it is always thronged with tourists (watch your wallet or purse) re-enacting the tradition introduced by the 1954 film “Three Coins in the Fountain.” Before leaving Rome, you must toss a coin over your left shoulder into the fountain; that way your return is assured. A local told me that a second coin assures you will return with the love of your life. Not sure about the authenticity of that advice — he may have been the coin collector! Even with the crowds, you should get a good view of the mighty god Neptune riding his winged chariot through rushing waters supplied by the ancient Acqua Vergine aqueduct. The fountain is an especially nice treat at night.

• The Bioparco zoo. Located in Villa Borghese, this zoo is a fantastic place to spend a sunny day in Rome. On our family trips, a zoo visit is always a must. This one did not disappoint. We picnicked by the lake and fed the ducks, swung on the swings, chased down an albino peacock and went nose-to-trunk with an elephant. It was a perfect end to a fantastic trip, and seeing the smiles of kids and adults as they watched the animals was priceless.

• Antico Caffe Grecco is the oldest coffee bar and restaurant in Rome (or so we were told). It is a renowned and historic coffee bar, gelateria and lunch caffe just off the Piazza di Spagna and the Spanish Steps. This was a hangout for Byron, Keats, Goethe, Wagner, Liszt and Joyce, among others. The mazelike interior is decorated in Late Baroque style. Photos of past visitors and dignitaries line the walls (my photo is on order).

Well, there you have it: a quick snapshot of a successful Roman holiday with a 9-year-old in tow. Certainly not the fiasco that the guidebooks made it out to be. Elizabeth is still talking about it and showing off her photos to her friends. If you’d like to take a peek at our trip, check out the photo show.

Oh, and about that quest. After visiting at least three pizzerias and four or five gelaterias each day, Elizabeth and I came up with some clear-cut winners.

In the pizza category, the winner is:

• Pizzeria La Montecarlo. The alley outside this pizzeria is usually filled with tables occupied by loud Romans — always a good sign when the locals have turned out en masse. The service is faster than it is polite, but the pizzas are great. Elizabeth’s favorite was a plain margareta pizza with fabulous mozzarella and tomatoes. Mine was the special one they make with fresh red peppers and a very unique sausage! Bring cash, because they don’t take any credit cards. Via dei Savelli 13 (near Piazza Navona), Rome.

In the gelato category, it was a very tough choice, but we went with a place that has a U.S. connection, a cousin-operated delicatessen by the same name in my hometown, Annapolis, Md.

• Caffe Giolitti. The air-conditioned, pink- and green-marbled gelateria screams ice cream. More flavors than you can imagine, and a variety of cones. The chocolate-dipped cone was my favorite with stracciatella, while Elizabeth opted for the basic sugar cone with mocha. The gelateria is always crowded and seemingly always open. Via Uffici del Vicario 40, Rome.

Ooooh! It's Soo Big!

You’ve heard about how big it is. You’ve heard about how beautiful she is. You’ve heard about her first time. You even heard about how people can treat her like trash. But how is she doing, now that she’s been around the block a few times? Is this some hussy I’m talking about? Nope. I am talking about the largest cruise ship out there (at least, the largest cruise ship as of this writing) — Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas.

In August, I packed my bags, grabbed my kids and checked my carry-on bags (“No toothpaste aboard the airplane, sir!”) and headed to Miami to take a keen eye to this vessel that has gained such notoriety in such a short time. “Today” broadcasted a show from the ship when it arrived in New York, and Magic Johnson launched a new travel venture on board.

Is the ship really all that? Ever the skeptic, I wanted to know. And you know what? It’s not all that. But it comes damned close! There is plenty that Royal Caribbean does right, but like any groundbreaking product, there are kinks to be worked out.

Embarkation. When we stepped off the transfer bus at the pier, we all groaned in unison. The lines were beyond belief! It turns out the crowds we saw were a combination of people embarking and others disembarking. Once we figured that out, we navigated our way to the entrance and sailed through check-in. Note to RCCL: There should be more people street-side to direct your guests to the proper entrance and to advise how long the wait isn’t.

The safety drill. We all need to know about emergency procedures and safety at sea. But when you are sailing a small city, gathering everyone at one time in several locations seems problematic to me. For our safety drill, we were summoned to our lifeboat stations, dressed in the oh-so-fashionable orange life vests, and made to endure the Miami sun and humidity. If I had to sum it up in two words: freaking miserable!

I suggest putting the safety drill on the televisions in the cabins, have the passengers stand outside their cabins for life-vest inspection by the crew, then have them report to the lifeboat station anytime in a six-hour window to be checked in by a crew member. This would ensure that all on board are advised and aware of the safety procedures, and lessen the likelihood of anyone passing out on deck.

Food and drink. The food was great in all the venues from Johnny Rockets to the main dining rooms to room service. I did not dine at Portofino (the Italian specialty restaurant), but I did dine at Chops (the steakhouse), where I had the best filet I’ve ever eaten anywhere — on land or sea. The service was excellent, too, with waiters and waitresses there at every turn.

The disco, called The Crypt, was hip and the DJ was great. It’s a great place to hang out, but quite loud. For some peace and quiet, the Olive or Twist lounge is the place to be. The views from the almost-top deck are phenomenal, the drinks are strong and the staff is top-notch. Strangely, though the ship carries more than 4,000 passengers, the lounge was never crowded; in fact, a window seat was always available.

The only dining problem I encountered was at the breakfast buffet in the Windjammer Cafe, where there never seemed to be enough crew to handle the crowds. Tables were scarce during peak hours, and most of the available tables were dirty. On three of the days, our cruise director, James, had to make announcements to the effect of “Eat up and get out — others are waiting!”

Here’s another worrying sign: The majority of the servers I spoke with said their contracts were ending soon, and they probably would not be renewing. Is this expected turnover related to the ship’s size? Is the meal service just too big to handle? Or is it just the same old story: The cruise industry pays a pittance for incredible amounts of work, and the “romance” of the sea fades fast for the crew?

The ship. Without doubt, the ship is magnificent. From the spectacular promenade to the cantilevered hot tubs to the “Flow Rider” (onboard surfing and boogie boarding) to the food and the service — it’s all top-notch. Every cabin has flat-screen TVs, which make for a roomier cabin, and they have large screens to boot. The balcony was roomy and the beds rival any I’ve slept in, even during the recent hotel bed wars.

One complaint I heard several times from others is that there is no midship elevator. Elevators are found only at bow and stern, and a midship lift would have been welcomed by hundreds. My personal gripe is the modular construction. Obviously this is a way to cut time and costs during shipbuilding, but there were spaces on the ship (for example, my cabin and the main dining room) where I felt I was in an upscale mobile home. Everyone in my group said I was crazy. It certainly did not affect my cruise, but it is something that still bugs me.

The water. There are plenty of places on board to get wet and have some fun. The H2O Zone is a wonderful water park for younger kids, but I found that my own children (ages 15, 12 and 9) all grew bored with it very quickly. The Flow Rider, on the other hand, was incredible — there is no other word to describe 30,000 gallons of water rushing up at you as you surf or ride a boogie board 120 feet above the ocean, or — in my case — try to ride a board. While the littlest kids cannot do it, most kids 8 and up should be OK.

The main pool, I’m sorry to say, is entirely too small. (The main pool is actually two small pools, separated by a walkway.) On sea days, it looked like a Turkish sauna: wall-to-wall people. It was horrible. Same thing for the adults-only pool, though that pool was much more comfortable on port days. Now, I am not an engineer, but I could play one on TV, and my suggestion for the next ship is to scale down the H2O Zone, elevate that deck into a bridge and enlarge the main pool. (RCCL: My bill is in the mail.)

The entertainment. Again, excellent. The ship has everything you could ask for — comedians, magicians, wonderful production shows, fun and games with the cruise staff — and no one seemed to leave any venue disappointed. All but a few shows were appropriate for all ages. My kids did not partake in any of the “kids clubs,” but the cruise staff was always looking for ways to engage the kids, offering everything from karaoke to family game shows to interviews at the Flow Rider on RCTV.

The ports. As I had suspected, the ports of call on this cruise were secondary to the experience on board the ship. In fact, it seemed that most of my shipmates were veteran cruisers who had already visited most of the ports; many stayed aboard ship during port calls.

From the day this ship was built, I wondered how the company would tender thousands of sightseers from ship to shore. Well, Royal Caribbean nailed the solution. Since very few piers can accommodate this ship, the company has hired local ferry operators to service the transport. Instead of two tenders taking 50 or 75 people to shore, now there are two to three 400- to 500-passenger ferries to move the masses. Well done, RCCL! Your passengers thank you, and I’m sure the local economies thank you!

All in all, the cruise was fantastic, and I would certainly do it again. The few glitches and issues I encountered are truly minor in the scope of things, and the memories will last a long time. If you want a peek into my trip, I can send you a copy of the menus, and you can see some photos from the largest ship afloat.

5 Family Friendly Resorts

Like it or not, kids today do indeed rule the roost, and they are a huge target audience for anyone looking to sell something. Ever wonder why Kellogg’s is the largest sponsor of Saturday morning cartoons? Well, travel is no different, and if you have kids, you would be wise to make sure the vacation “you” select is also one they will enjoy.

This familial shift has not gone unnoticed by resorts and other travel suppliers. They want the kids (the “influencers,” as the marketers say) to have a great time and they want families to come back for more. Gone are the days of just having a swimming pool and pointing the way to the mini-golf down the road. To compete in today’s market, resorts looking to lure families had better provide such amenities as childproofed rooms, toddler tennis lessons, kindergarten facials, family bonfires and clambakes and, of course, a kid’s menu in a gourmet restaurant. Yes, you might see a PB&J listed right next to the chateaubriand.

Earlier this summer, Child magazine commissioned a survey and came up with its 10 Best Family-Friendly Resorts. Here are the top five, along with some selected amenities they offer.

The Breakers, Palm Beach, Fla. The Breakers lies on 140 oceanfront acres in the heart of Palm Beach. The resort offers some fantastic parent facilities, including a five-diamond restaurant, two championship golf courses, pool and spas. For the kids, it offers such services and activities as kids’ camp, baby-sitting with screened sitters, a junior golf academy, weekly bonfires on the beach and family kickball games.

Winnetu Oceanside Resort, Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. Overlooking the Vineyard’s south beach, this property consists of six studios and 48 one- to four-bedroom suites. For the grownups, personal trainers are available along with complimentary Pilates and yoga classes. For the young ones, the offerings include poolside “Dive-In Movies” and a peewee tennis club. Need to get around the property or the local area? The resort offers transportation in some of its classic autos, including a 1929 Model A “Woody,” a 1931 Model A open-air bus and a 1945 firetruck.

Kingsmill Resort & Spa, Williamsburg, Va. Any place near Busch Gardens and Colonial Williamsburg gets my vote, and a place with three-story condos and a waterfront (James River) setting has to be a winner! For the parents, there are championship golf courses and a wonderful spa featuring a “Kingsmill Sampler” with Swedish and deep-tissue massage, hot stone aromatherapy, reflexology and more. On the family and kids’ side, the resort offers baby-sitting, pools, a marina with fishing equipment, kayaks, paddleboats and a sandy beach perfect for collecting shells. And for the pampered princess (my own daughter comes to mind): a 90-minute evening spa camp complete with plush robes, nail painting and a mini footbath.

Loews Coronado Bay Resort & Spa, San Diego, Calif. Four hundred and eight rooms on 15 acres on the Pacific Ocean. Don’t have to say much more. The spa is fantastic for the adults, but the family amenities really shine at the Coronado. The resort has a “Did-You-Forget?” closet stocked full of cameras, shampoo, baby swings and much more for harried parents when they arrive. All kids get a welcome bag on arrival, and the resort will childproof your room as requested. Some favorite kid activities are the kickboxing and yoga classes, the gondola cruises on San Diego Bay and kite flying in the brisk ocean breeze. The Coronado Bay Resort is also known for keeping kids front and center. While a lot of other hotels and resorts tuck their kids’ programs away in a corner, the Coronado has a different philosophy. According to Kathleen Cochran, the general manager, “Here, we want kids to be seen and heard.”

The Colony Beach & Tennis Resort, Longboat Key, Fla. Tennis is the name of the game here at Colony Beach but, believe me, there is plenty more to do in this suite-only resort on 18 uncrowded acres near Sarasota, Fla. The resort offers a beachfront playground complete with a slide, walking bridge and many climbing opportunities. The tennis program is designed to get the kids hitting the ball, which to a kid is a lot more fun than getting it over the net. How about a family sailing clinic or a hunt for treasure on the beach? “Casual” is the mantra here, and kids don’t need to cover up inside as they do at other places. This is the most laid-back resort of the five, and the only true parent-only perk (in my opinion) is the spa.

As you plan your next family vacation — maybe for this holiday season, spring break or next summer — think past the cruises and Walt Disney World and consider something a little different. You get only one shot at family, and if you can experience life together, you all win! And, if you are able to book off-season, you just might save a few Jacksons!

10 Cruise Etiquette Tips

Recently, I had the pleasure of sailing on the world’s largest ship: Royal Caribbean International’s Freedom of the Seas. It was a fantastic week which was exactly what the doctor ordered for some rest and relaxation for my family at the end of a hectic summer. But after witnessing the behavior of some of the passengers, I had to wonder if they saw the cruise as an opportunity to be rude and obnoxious. If Emily Post were not already dead, those louts and bounders would certainly have sent her to her grave!

Let us forswear the role of Ugly American and start to mind our manners. These 10 tips were developed after a week on the high seas, but they are equally applicable to a land-based vacation or business trip. Read them and resolve to restore some civility to the art of travel.

1. Don’t expect perfection. With today’s ships carrying three and four thousand people at a time, trust me, the experience is not going to be perfect for everyone. Your toilet may clog. The handle may fall off the sliding door. Your table mates may sometimes be rude (my own children come to mind). Have a good attitude and your cruise will go a lot more smoothly.

2. Get some exercise. Fact: The elevators are going to be crowded around dinner and show times. A bunch of crabby people waiting for the elevators will only stir each other up even more; I saw it happen time and again. If you are physically able, why not walk off that crème brûlée and take the stairs — or maybe do a lap on the Promenade Deck.

3. Shut up. It is not necessary to slam your cabin door each time you enter and exit the cabin, and it is rude to do so at 3 a.m.(some passengers actually sleep — at night! — on a cruise). Close the door slowly and preserve some of the peace. Never been on a cruise? There are probably a hundred cabins within earshot of each slammed door.

4. Practice moderation. OK, it’s your vacation: Have fun and party on. But know your limits. No one likes a sloppy drunk, and the last thing you want to do is spend a night in the medical facility because you planted your ass through the glass coffee table. No one will convince me that excessive drinking is not a huge factor in all the recent “crimes” at sea.

5. Be discreet. Aboard ship, we are all equals. I don’t need to see your Rolex watch, or that 10-carat diamond. No need to flash a wad of cash in the casino either. For one thing, you could be asking for trouble; for another (listen carefully): No one really cares! And another thing, while the ship is your home away from home, it isn’t actually your home, so if you feel the need to wander the hallways, please do so wearing street clothes not your curlers and nightie — or less!

6. Remember that you are a world traveler. You may hear others speaking a different or unfamiliar language. (No, it is not a foreign language; it may be foreign to you, but it is not foreign to millions of perfectly competent speakers). If an announcement needs to be made, it will likely be made in several languages; after all, people who speak a language other than yours have the same right to safety and information as you do. Do not demand that people accommodate you. It is all about compromise.

7. Be a good audience member. If you are tired, don’t sit in the front row. How demeaning is it to a performer who is giving his or her all to look out and see an audience member nodding off mid-performance? Now imagine the reaction if there is also a line of drool dribbling from the corner of your mouth. Not a pretty sight, although the photograph I took is a good conversation piece!

8. Stop whining. If something has gone wrong or you are unhappy, there is no need to drag a few thousand other people into your mess. There is a simple solution: Ask management to correct the problem. Whining just brings everyone down and — who knows? — your expectations may be way out of line. And another thing: There’s not much anyone can do about a cloudy day.

9. Dress for public view. If you wouldn’t walk into Wal-Mart wearing short shorts and a tube top, you probably shouldn’t wear them on vacation, either. Same with a thong. People come in all shapes and sizes, but most of us are not looking to become acquainted with your every bulge and curve.

10. Be generous. Tip. Our waitress on the Freedom of the Seas is paid $50 a month. Yes, you read that correctly! The rest of her income comes from gratuities. To the family in the cabins across from me: I heard you all making plans to order room service for 16 on the last night of the cruise so you could avoid having to tip in the dining room. Shame on you!

Fortunately, rude passengers were a minority on this cruise. Freedom of the Seas is a beautiful ship, and Royal Caribbean offers wonderful cruises for travelers of all ages — I’ll have more on that in a few weeks. For now I will step off my soapbox (endless ranting isn’t polite either, even for a good cause).

But I will ask you: What peeves you on your vacation? Drop me a line and let me know.

All-Inclusive: What does It Mean?

When is an all-inclusive vacation really all-inclusive?

That’s a question that comes up often when travelers consider whether to book a resort vacation or a cruise vacation. So often, in fact, that it makes me wonder if there really is such a thing as an all-inclusive vacation anymore. And if not, which one is more inclusive: the cruise or the resort?

It’s important to know what you’re getting from your “all-inclusive” deal, whether it’s on land or at sea. If you fail to research the product properly, you could end up on a trip from hell with a credit card bill to match. There’s no need for that to happen, so listen up.

Cruises are rarely all-inclusive.

Most cruise lines include your cabin, your meals and your onboard entertainment in the published fare. But if you’re not careful, the bill that is discreetly slipped under your door on your last night at sea just might make you want to jump ship.

On most cruises you can expect to pay extra for beverages (not just alcohol, but also soda), all shore excursions, any meals in the “specialty” restaurants, onboard purchases, gambling (never charge gambling to your stateroom unless you want a hefty surcharge), maybe ice cream at the Häagen-Dazs shop, your burger at Johnny Rockets, your internet access, your telephone calls and, of course, your tips.

For a family of four, you can easily add $1,000 to your “all-inclusive” cruise fare. When you board, you will usually be required to put a credit card on file for those charges. For those who don’t use credit cards, or don’t want to give their credit card number to the ship, many ships now require cash deposits of $200 per day; any refunds due at the end of the cruise will be paid by check when you disembark, so save some money for the cab fare home.

As long as your travel professional (or professional Web site) has made you aware of the additional costs, you will have a great time enjoying the experience that only cruising can offer. Unlike any land-based vacation, a cruise will take you to many different places — five or six ports of call during a week at sea. While the port stays tend to be short, cruising is a good way to get the flavor of a region — perhaps as a prelude for a future land-based visit. Ships currently sail in all seven oceans and while the Caribbean may be the most popular, cruising can be also be a great way to see the South Pacific. If the warm sand is not calling, cruising Europe can save you a bundle. Take advantage of the weak dollar and book your “mostly-inclusive” vacation with your U.S. dollars (save the splurge for that fabulous restaurant in Monte Carlo or Barcelona).

All-inclusive resorts are a relatively new phenomenon, and they are limited mostly to the Caribbean and Mexico. Here, for one upfront price, your vacation does indeed include virtually everything, including all your drinks, ice cream, water sports, diving, and yes, even golf if it is available.

If you are a finicky drinker, be sure to check whether the program includes premium alcohol; a lot of resorts include only the local hooch. Of course, any personal purchases and gambling are on you. You will be required to put a credit card on file for your incidentals, but it is very easy to walk away without any charges. Your personal expenses will be a bargain in the Caribbean and Mexico, anyway, due to the strong dollar in those areas.

Now that your expenses are in check, be sure the all-inclusive resort lifestyle is for you. Most all-inclusive vacationers are content to remain on the resort property just basking in the sun, one umbrella over their head and another in their drink. The resorts generally do offer side trips to local attractions for guests who get antsy; the prices for these are comparable to what you would pay for a shore excursion offered by a cruise line.

As on a cruise ship, the food at an all-inclusive resort will be plentiful and varied in the main dining area. Most resorts will have several themed restaurants for you to try out as well; these restaurants generally require a reservation and have a dress code, but they are available at no additional charge.

Cruise or resort? It’s up to you. But as you plan your “all-inclusive” vacation, you need to keep one more thing in mind: Many destinations are very affordable once you get there, but the cost of getting there is sky high. So choose your resort or cruise carefully. Cancun and Jamaica (the epicenters of all-inclusive resorts) offer affordable airfare worldwide, and many cruise lines now sail from embarkation cities all up and down the U.S. coast: Baltimore, Norfolk, Philadelphia, New York, New Orleans, Galveston, Los Angeles, Seattle and San Francisco. If you don’t know all about air routes and cruise ports, talk to a travel agent.

With some research and a better understanding of what “all-inclusive” means, you can get control of your vacation costs. That way you’ll know what you’re paying for, and you’ll come home relaxed and refreshed — not broke.

5 Great Travel Websites

Buying travel used to be so simple. You called your travel agent and he made the arrangements for you. The Internet changed all that. There are thousands of good travel Web sites out there, but here are my current picks: three outstanding long-timers and one up-and-comer worth a mention. Oh, OK, full disclosure: One of the up-and-comers is mine.

SeatGuru. Do you think that all airplane seats are created equal? Well, they’re not! SeatGuru is an database of virtually every airline seat in the skies — “The Bible of Seat Pitch,” if you will. All you need to know is your airline and the type of aircraft you are flying, and SeatGuru will tell all. Find out which seats recline a bit more, have more legroom, have armrests that will raise — even which ones have a power port to power your laptop or iPod. More importantly, SeatGuru will tell you the seats to avoid. As a professional travel agent, I rely on this site a lot. The interface is simple to read and the site has recently added a listing of such in-flight amenities as audio, beverage services, bassinettes and changing tables.

FlyerTalk. If you spend more than a few hours in the skies over the course of a year, FlyerTalk is a community you need to visit. This huge bulletin board allows its 111,000 frequent-flying members to discuss everything from the best airport restaurants to who has seen Air Force One. A big reason for this site’s success is the interaction between members trying to maximize their frequent-flier miles and loyalty points. Are you looking for a promotion that might bump you up a rank to Chairman’s Preferred? How about a special routing to earn triple points? You won’t have to look far. While it may seem a bit daunting at first, the site has a wealth of information and a fantastic New User Guide that will help you navigate the skies.

1Trip3. 1Trip3 is a new site for the leisure traveler that is scheduled to come online very soon. While your travel agent is no doubt very knowledgeable, your needs may exceed his reach. Would you schedule your appendectomy with your ophthalmologist? No? Then why is your cruise specialist arranging your African safari? 1Trip3 addresses this problem by connecting agent specialists with travelers. Agents register with their specialty and then take turns fielding travelers’ requests. Each request is sent to three qualified agents; the traveler decides which agent — if any — to work with. There is no cost to the traveler, who gets “special handling” for free.

Travels With Fred. This is my site, and it is targeted to experienced travelers with some miles on them, folks who are Internet-savvy and people who believe, as I do, that travel is just plain fun. Are you a master mouser, confident enough in your Web sleuthing to book your own trip? Travels With Fred may be the site for you. But what if you’re not sure you’re ready to book it alone? Travels With Fred may be the site for you, too, because at any point in the research or booking process, a flesh-and-bones travel agent is available to help you — at no charge. Need a simple recommendation? Send an instant message to Fred. Need something more complex? Meet one of Fred’s agents face to face in your local Starbucks. If nothing else, take advantage of the complimentary destination guides that the site will send you by e-mail. They are a wealth of information and will go a long way to help you plan your next trip.

Tripso. Of course, the best is saved for last. Tripso is a wonderful site that grabs the travel industry by the horns and attacks from all angles. In addition to Christopher Elliott, the famed travel troubleshooter, the site offers frank commentary from every side of the industry: flight crew, travel agent, cruise expert, road tripper, security and safety, loyalty and luxury travel, not to mention bargains and destinations. Come fall, Tripso will have the hotel industry covered, too. Need to keep up on the travel news? Tripso publishes a daily newsletter highlighting the day’s news as it affects travelers. There is a weekend edition, as well. If you are looking for a community of active travelers and travel agents, check out Tripso’s forums, where you’ll get the frank and honest answers you deserve. Admittedly, I am biased, but I do believe Tripso is “The Last Honest Travel Site”!

Do you know of another essential travel site? Let me know and I will pass it along (with credit of course) in a future column!

Keeping Safe At Sea

George Smith, Merrian Carver, Annette Mizener, Lynsey O’Brien. All these people have disappeared from a cruise ship in the past two years; all are presumed dead. This is a horror that no family should ever have to face. The cases are especially painful because the full stories will probably never be told. There is just too much unknown about them, too much to uncover from hundreds of miles out to sea.

A while back, I suggested some common-sense tips for cruise safety. Had these folks followed that advice, I venture to say that some would still be with us today — perhaps planning another dream cruise. But then I got to wondering: Just what do the cruise lines do to ensure the safety of their passengers?

I have been on many cruises in the past and am looking forward to one in August, on the Freedom of the Seas, and another in October, a “Cruise for a Cause” on Carnival’s Fantasy.Having never noticed an obvious security presence on cruise ships, I asked Jennifer De La Cruz (an appropriate name if I’ve ever heard one), Director of Public Relations for Carnival Cruise Lines to fill me in.

Q: OK, so I’m stumbling back to my cabin (hypothetically, of course) after a fantastic night in the disco. Way down the hallway, I see a couple of guys in a pretty serious fight. What am I supposed to do? How does Carnival react to this?

A: Each Carnival ship employs a team of visible uniformed security personnel. Guests who witness a situation that they feel warrants attention can speak to a member of the security team at any time or ask any shipboard employee to call security. Guests can also contact the purser’s office via any shipboard telephone or in person at the purser’s information desk, which is staffed 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In emergency situations, guests can also dial 911 from any shipboard phone at any time.

Q: Say something happens to me on board and I feel that the response was insufficient. What should I do?

A: Guests can always talk to the purser’s office with any concerns or questions regarding any subject on board. If guests are not satisfied with the resolution, they are welcome to talk to the shipboard department head or the hotel director, who oversees all hotel systems on board. Although it is recommended that guests bring any concerns regarding their cruise to the attention of shipboard staff who can address the situation while on board, guests are also welcome to contact Carnival’s Guest Relations Department either in writing or by calling toll-free 1-800-438-6744, ext. 71555, following their voyage.

Q: I know you must keep records of incidents at sea. How prevalent are these incidents?

A: Carnival Cruise Lines carried 3.3 million passengers in 2005 — more than any other cruise line. Incidents such as those described above are extremely rare, and the overwhelming majority of Carnival guests enjoy their cruise, as indicated by a satisfaction rating of 98.5 percent. Cruising remains the safest mode of transportation available.

Q: Without giving away sensitive security information, can you tell me a little about the staff and training, as well as the systems on board to ensure safety?

A: The safety and security of our guests and employees is our highest priority. While we are not permitted to discuss specific elements of our security program so as not to undermine those efforts, we can assure our guests and travel partners that we are at a heightened security status and that the safety of our guests and crew is of paramount importance.

Carnival maintains a high level of security through an onboard uniformed security force, which works in tandem with Carnival’s shoreside security department, which is made up of former law enforcement professionals. Carnival security personnel are required to have previous experience in one of the following areas: the military, law enforcement or private security.

While security personnel who join the company are already experienced in basic security procedures, they still attend seminars at least once a year that include updates on any new security procedures, as well as training in specialized areas such as terrorism and bomb detection. Security personnel also undergo ongoing training in first aid, fire prevention, firefighting, crime scene investigation, and crisis and crowd control management.

Well, I have to admit, I had never really given much thought to security on board a cruise ship. I have sailed with Princess, Carnival, Royal Caribbean, Crystal, Holland America and even the defunct Premier Cruise Line, and I have never once witnessed anything that I would consider to be an “incident.” I’ve never heard of any rapes or unwanted passes, nary a mention of a ransacked stateroom and certainly never a story of a man overboard. I imagine that with all the scrutiny, all ships have programs like Carnival’s in place for guests’ safety.

So, how safe is cruising? A cruise vacation is certainly as safe as any other vacation, and more safe than most. I’d wager that you’re more at risk venturing to your local 7-Eleven, especially if it’s in Washington, D.C., where Police Chief Charles Ramsey recently declared a “citywide crime emergency” because tourists were being attacked on the National Mall and the murder rate had gone sky-high. People just need to be responsible for their behavior when they are cruising, and they need to remain vigilant. It is a really simple formula.

I am a single dad, and I would never put my kids in jeopardy. I have traveled with my kids to China, Italy, Spain, England, France, Mexico and most of the Caribbean. To be honest, I feel safer and more in control when I take the kids on a cruise than when we head out on a land-based trip. Perhaps it’s because we are a captive audience, or perhaps it’s just intrinsically a safer vacation.

But instead of taking my word for it, book a cruise and see for yourself. Tripso is sponsoring a Cruise for a Cause with Carnival in October that visits New Orleans and Cozumel. Why not take four days off and experience cruising for yourself!

A Wanted Man (Finally!)

Finally! At age 44, I have several women wanting me — and one man.

Wilhelmina from The Old Coffee Pot wants me, and so does Ginnie from Tours by Isabelle. Beth Hanning from Gallery Rinard wants me — and she’s married! I’m pretty sure Stephanie from the Cats Meow wants me, too. And Christine DeCuir, from The Convention & Visitors Bureau, she wants me so bad she sent me some goodies. As for the guy, well, that’s Ernie from Haunted History Tours — and, yes, he wants me, too!

I’m not talking about some swingers’ club — I wish!

No, I’m talking about my recent weekend in the Big Easy. I met hundreds of people, and all of them said one of two things: “Thank you” or “We’re glad you are here.” As most of you know, I made a trip to New Orleans in February to see how things were going after Hurricane Katrina; at that time, I penned two columns: one on the good, the other on the bad and the ugly. This time, the mission was the same: I wanted to see what progress since I had last visited. I also wanted to escape the torrential downpours in the Northeast!

Like last time, there are good stories and bad ones. The good news is that more businesses have reopened. This visit took me to the Maison Dupuy (my favorite hotel in the city), which fully opened on April 1. I was able to eat a wonderful filet at Dickie Brennan’s Steakhouse, but I didn’t have time to venture to its cousin establishment, world-renowned Brennan’s, which had just reopened on June 8.

I also took the same “disaster tour” that I took in February with Tours by Isabelle. That brings me to the bad news: The progress outside of the tourist spots is slow going. I think there is another trip in my future, and next time I will be toting a hammer and saw to see if I can lend a hand. Believe me, these folks desperately need it, so please, if you are able, do your part as well.

Considering it was summer, when business is usually slow, the town was surprisingly active. People are finally getting the message that New Orleans is no longer a disaster area, but rather a town on the mend. It was hot as hell, of course, but no matter where I ventured, I felt safe in all ways. The police presence was obvious and comforting. Unfortunately, there have been problems with drugs and looting in desolated neighborhoods that the city police department could not manage on their overtaxed resources. Fortunately, the National Guard has returned to the city, a welcome and overdue response to a mayoral request many months ago, and the guardsmen are hearing the same words I did: “Thank you” and “We’re glad you are here”!

Outside the desolated neighborhoods, the city is showing definite signs of recovery. Bourbon Street is alive and well. The Aquarium of the Americas is open again, as is the New Orleans Museum of Art. The Riverwalk Marketplace is open. Fabulous music is once again pouring out of almost every doorway until the wee hours of the morning. The lines at Café Du Monde are long as usual — and the beignets are as decadent as ever. However, the real sign to me that New Orleans was open for business were the two shows on Friday and Saturday night at Preservation Hall. Somehow, hearing a trumpet, two saxophones, a drum and a bass made “When the Saints Come Marching In” sound like a true song of resurrection — especially with football training camps beginning soon.

The message is that New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are rebounding — but the recovery is slow and they still need some help! Maybe you have skills that can literally help the region rebuild. Maybe you can sponsor a fund-raising night in your local community. Check out the New Orleans Convention & Visitors Bureau Web site, which has information about two tourism relief funds. Of course, one of the best ways to help is to go to New Orleans and spend some money!

While you’re at it, check out Tripso’s own Cruise for a Cause. Tripso has partnered with Carnival Cruise Lines to bring some monetary and tourism relief to the area with a four-night cruise from New Orleans to Cozumel — another area recovering from a hurricane. The cruise begins on October 26. Tripso and Carnival will donate a portion of your cruise fare to local causes to help rebuild these two great destinations. Please consider doing what you can!

New Orleans is down, but it’s not out. The floodwaters have receded, this year’s hurricane season looks to be less severe than last year’s, and the “Old New Orleans” that I know and love seems to be coming back — though not soon enough for me!

What About Identity Theft?

Every day there is a news story about identity theft. The Department of Veterans Affairs recently lost information on millions of Americans; Hotels.com lost data on thousands. Now, your travel agent is asking you for all sorts of information. Are you setting yourself up to have your identity stolen? Possibly.

But probably not. Let me tell you why.

When you work with a travel agent — whether face to face or mouse to mouse — you are looking to purchase more than just travel. Not just a trip, not just a cruise, not just a flight — but an experience. And with the right agent, it will be an experience that will in some way enrich your life.

Here’s an example. Three weeks ago I was in Rome, where I witnessed a spectacular fireworks display and celebration as the Swiss Guards marched into the Vatican to celebrate the 500th anniversary of their protection of the Holy See. I could have booked any old hotel, but my travel agent, Lynda, who works in my office and knows me very well, booked me a room with a patio overlooking St. Peter’s Square. She didn’t just book a room, she booked my experience. See the difference?

If Lynda did not know me so well, I would have missed an experience that will be with my daughter, Elizabeth, and me forever. But Lynda is a great travel agent, so she knows me inside and out. In fact, she often knows which trip I’ll be taking before I do. How? Because she’s proactive. She keeps her eye out for travel opportunities that she knows will excite and interest me. And the surprising thing is, I am only one of a thousand clients she serves each year.

It is all about “Customer Relationship Management” (CRM), and it is not evil. It’s how service providers operate. Ever wonder how the Domino’s Pizza guy knows you like large pepperoni pizzas? How the supermarket miraculously spits out coupons that you can actually use? It is all about knowing your customers and keeping track of their interests, preferences and habits.

Travel agents are experts at CRM. In the old days, your information was kept in your agent’s head or maybe in his Rolodex. Today, it is likely to be kept on the agency’s computers. (Our office uses a program called ClientBase, a CRM program developed specifically for travel agents.) With each contact, your agent should be gathering a little more information from you to serve you better down the road.

Little things mean a lot when it comes to creating your experience. Are you prone to seasickness? Maybe a cruise is not for you. Does your family have roots in Greece? Does a particular artist or composer really move you? How old are you? What about your kids? Shuffleboard or windsurfing? Hot dogs or chateaubriand? With this information, your agent can present an experience that will interest you — and leave the others in the trashcan.

A good agent will also keep track of all the tedious stuff you might forget, as well as the stuff you have no desire to monitor. Before switching to our agency, Erin and Gary had a wonderful trip to Paris all lined up and ready to go. But their dream trip got derailed at the Air France check-in counter, where Gary discovered his passport had expired. With a good agent, this would never have happened. A good agent keeps track of your passport – and your visa requirements, deposit dates, insurance coverage, shots, conversion rates, credit card expiration dates and countless other travel details – so you don’t have to. When something needs attention, you’ll receive a reminder — before it ruins your experience.

So, when you have a good relationship with a travel agent, don’t be afraid to give up the 411 about yourself.

But here comes the word of caution: While most agents are honest and most agencies have security measures in place, there is always a chance that your data might be accidentally compromised. So be prudent, especially with Social Security, passport and credit card information. Your Social Security number should never be asked for unless your agent is filling out some government forms for you. And, if you don’t feel comfortable leaving your credit card information on file, don’t do it; it just means the agent will have to ask for it each time you make a purchase. That’s a small price to pay for your peace of mind.

Your travel agent already has an identity, and he probably doesn’t want yours. So, choose your travel agent with care, then let him ask questions — and be honest when you answer them. After all, it’s your experience that counts.

So, what is the recipe for a fantastic travel experience? Take a dose of caution, add a cup of trust and allow your agent to go to work for you!

It's Hurricane Season

This is the time of year we now dread. Not Christmas. Not the end of school. Not even that bittersweet day when you realize you are another year older — again! I am talking the two words that put the fear of God in everyone who lives on the coast: hurricane season. Yes, very quietly, in the still of the night, about two weeks ago, the 2006 hurricane season began.

Right now, the forecasters are busy trying to figure out the answers. How many? How severe? Where? Currently, they are predicting a slightly less active season than 2005, and the best news is that the U.S. Gulf Coast may get a reprieve.

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the 2005 hurricane season smashed all previous records. The year saw 28 named storms (the previous record was 21, in 1933), 15 hurricanes (previous record: 12, in 1969), four major hurricanes hitting the United States (previous record: three, in 2004) and four Category 5 hurricanes (previous record: two, in 1960 and 1961). The extraordinary activity of the season was attributed to warm waters in the Atlantic. This year the water temperature is expected to be cooler.

“The Atlantic is a little bit warm, but it’s nothing like last year, which was the worst hurricane season in history,” says David Adamec, of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland. “Last year the water was really warm. It was downright toasty.”

How much warmer the water will get this season depends a lot on how long a persistent subtropical high-pressure system remains parked over the Atlantic, Adamec says. The high pressure keeps the skies clear and lets the sun beat down and heat up the waters.

AccuWeather, a weather information service based in State College, Penn., is forecasting a more active season for the northeastern United States and the western Gulf of Mexico, predicting that one in six Americans who live in those regions will be affected by tropical winds and rain.

“The 2006 season will be a creeping threat,” says AccuWeather’s chief forecaster, Joe Bastardi. “Early in the season — June and July — the Texas Gulf Coast faces the highest likelihood of a hurricane strike, possibly putting Gulf energy production in the line of fire. As early as July, and through much of the rest of the season, the highest level of risk shifts to the Carolinas. From mid-August into early October, the window is open for hurricane strikes to spread northward to the more densely populated Northeast coast. At the very end of the season, southern Florida also faces significant hurricane risk.”

Well, there you have it from two authorities. Personally, I think hurricane prediction is an exercise in futility. You can never predict what a woman will do, and they don’t call her Mother Nature for nothing. Two things are for sure: There will be a number of storms, and there will be destruction. The important thing is to be prepared, and that’s not too difficult if you follow a few common-sense tips:

1. Listen to the news. I have already told you we are in hurricane season; now you have to do some snooping on your own. Know when a storm is coming. After last year’s devastation, there will be no shortage of news coverage, I assure you.

2. Stock up. Every household even remotely in the path of tropical weather should have the following on hand throughout the season: some dry food for people and pets, bottled water, a portable radio, flashlights and spare batteries, a first aid kit and a cell phone. And don’t wait until the storm is bearing down to head for Home Depot. Why not go out tomorrow and buy the plywood you may need to board up your windows?

3. Heed the advice of the authorities. When they tell you to leave, leave! Pack your valuables and head out of town; your life is simply not worth the risk of staying home. If you are unable to evacuate yourself, call for help. You will be told when it is safe to return. Don’t try to go earlier. There are many unseen dangers after a storm has passed through, and public safety crews need to do their work without having to deal with early returnees. Again, heed the advice of authorities.

Are you planning a trip to hurricane territory? Always, always purchase supplemental travel insurance and check with the insurer about its hurricane coverage. Some resorts offer a “hurricane guarantee,” but these guarantees are usually limited, so read the fine print. Keep in mind that if storm clouds are gathering, it might just make sense from a safety point of view to abandon the trip.

Staying safe during hurricane season is not difficult if you follow some very simple tips. Unfortunately, common sense tends to go out the window in an emergency. But if you make your plans before a storm starts brewing, you will be in a better position to come out unscathed.

Oh, and one more tip: Although the waves will be big, and the surf will be up, leave that surfboard in the garage!

Nude And Lewd In The Sun And Fun

Last fall, for example, Christopher Elliott wrote a column on nude vacations and it was one of the most successful Tripso columns of the year. About the same time, I noticed that my travel agency was sending a lot of clients to risqué resorts. Destinations like Hedonism Resorts in Jamaica, two SuperClubs properties where the management encourages skinny-dipping, pole dancing, toga parties, big biceps, baby oil, nude volleyball and other general naughtiness.

Having never been to one of “those” resorts, and purely in the pursuit of investigative journalism (please see me regarding the Brooklyn Bridge if you bought that one), I decided to hop on a plane and take a peek for myself.

I would need company, of course, so I asked my girlfriend, at the time, if she would like to go to Jamaica for a week. I may have neglected to mention the name of the resort. Surprisingly, she was still game when she learned we were headed to Hedonism III, in Runaway Bay, where, we were assured, we would find “that famous uninhibited spirit where just about anything goes.”

What could that mean? Thoughts of bacchanalian orgies and throngs of naked women running everywhere did slip into my mind. But wait, did that mean there would be throngs of naked men running around as well? That gave me pause. But like its sister property, Hedonism II in Negril, Hedonism III is run on a “Super-Inclusive” basis, so the food and the booze would be free. And so would the beaches, the fitness center, the saunas and Jacuzzis, the windsurfing, the water-skiing, the snorkeling and scuba diving, the entertainment — and just about everything else you can think of, including the nude volleyball and, yes, the trapeze. Things were looking up! And I guess I could handle a throng of naked men so long as there was a female throng to offset it.

We were met at the airport and handed a cool cloth and a Red Stripe beer for the short ride to Runaway Bay. The front desk received us graciously — ah, that genuine, warmhearted Jamaican smile! — and let us know we had a wonderful suite on the “Nude Side” of the resort.

Oh, oh. What a prospect! Was I required to be naked? They couldn’t make me, could they? Surely, mine isn’t the kind of nudity they wanted running around for all to see. And yet, I’ve always believed, “When in Rome, … ” But in Jamaica, thank God, it is different. When in Jamaica, it’s do whatever you want.

“No problem, mon!”

Whew, crisis averted. There would be no naked, beached-whale, white males from Annapolis on this trip. So, properly clothed, let me give you the inside scoop on a decidedly different week.

While I unpacked our bags, my girlfriend opened the shutters to take a look at the view. Immediately, she erupted in peals of laughter. Our suite overlooked the nude pool, the nude volleyball game and the body-painting station. Suffice to say, the players were not professional volleyball players. This was going to be interesting.

After the initial shock, we got the lay of the land and decided to explore. As I said, there is no pressure to do anything at all. Indeed, there is just one hard and fast rule at Hedonism: If you are going to linger on the Nude Side of the resort, you will have to be, well — nude. You can pass through (no cameras), but if you are going to stay, you’d better bring sunscreen for all those places where the sun does not usually shine.

Dressed guests can hang out on the “Prude Side” of the resort, or in one of the mixed areas where clothing is optional. We decided we would not be lingering on the Nude Side. In fact, most of our time was spent at a clothing-optional pool since it was uncrowded and close to our room. It also afforded us the modesty we wanted and a fantastic swim-up bar.

Still, nudism was all around, and a certain erotic tension permeated the air of the entire resort. Even when the guests are dressed, provocative clothing was the norm — at breakfast, lunch and dinner. And each night was a theme night: Toga Night, Pimp-and-Ho Night, Pajama Night and so forth.

The food was exactly as the Hedonism brochure describes: wonderful, plentiful and varied. I recommend the jerk-chicken shack on the boardwalk overlooking the sea. The entertainment was excellent and the staff ensured everyone was having fun whether they were smacking a volleyball, soaking in the 50-person nude hot tub, swooshing down the Lucite water slide that snakes its way through the disco (yes, you read that right) or just relaxing in one of the many hammocks swaying in the Jamaican breeze.

It was certainly not your typical Caribbean week. We met plenty of people, including all the members of the band Hoobastank, which was pretty cool as they put on an impromptu concert for a few hundred guests. There were bikers and lawyers, accountants and pharmacists, secretaries and electricians — people from all walks of life. All pretenses had been left at home, and no one looked at you any differently for anything you did or did not do, wore or did not wear. At Hedonism, it seems that your cares and worries float farther away than at any other resort. I can’t put my finger on just why, but they do.

Make no mistake, if you are offended by nudity, this ain’t the place for you. Personally, I am not offended — nor am I a practitioner — and I had a fantastic time at Hedonism. But beware: Some vacation suppliers offer “surprise packages” that do not reveal the name of your resort until you are in Jamaica. If the very idea of nudity offends you, do not select this option. You can usually opt out of getting one of “those” resorts.

My most memorable moments? Two come to mind.

• Every afternoon, the Nude Side invades the Prude Side in a sneak attack that is something like a Chinese fire drill. They run over, climb the four-story Lucite water slide, zip down, splash into the Prude Pool and disappear just as fast back to the Nude Side. It is quite a sight to behold, although I’m not sure I’d like to be anyone but the lead dog climbing the narrow spiral staircase to the top. That line gets pretty tight!

• The second “can’t forget” moment was at the clothing-optional pool. I was lying on my chaise, in my bathing suit, reading Bill Clinton’s memoir when I heard a voice ask, “Is that book any good?” I lowered the book and came face to — well, you can use your imagination — with a naked man standing at the foot of my chaise. My girlfriend was in hysterics just waiting to see how I would handle that hairy situation.

When we left, the feeling of rejuvenation was greater than either of us had ever experienced on a trip before. Again, I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something, well — freeing about these resorts. So, if you are a bit of an adventurer and can laugh at yourself and others around you, Hedo might be the place for you!

Our week ended all too soon and I was back on a US Airways flight to Baltimore. Knowing that real life was just around the corner, I was savoring the memories. I was half reading the final chapters of Bill’s memoir when the flight attendant asked me, “Is that book any good?” I’d learned my lesson! This time, I kept my nose buried and uttered a muffled “Yeah, not bad.”

Off-season rates at Hedonism (not including air transportation) begin at $2,100 per couple for a week. The price includes all meals, activities and alcohol. I recommend the Dirty Banana!

Convert Me!

Every week, one of my kids asks me if math will really help a person in the “real world.” Toeing the line, my answer is always, “Of course.”

For good measure, I tell a story from a previous life, when I had to get a score of 70 percent to pass a Master Electrician licensing exam in Virginia; my employer’s project depended on my passing the exam. It came down to a question of Ohm’s law and, believe it or not, my algebra kicked in: I was able to apply Ohm’s law and I passed the test with (you guessed it) a 70. So, yes, absolutely, math is incredibly useful in real life. But what happens when the math changes?

I’m talking about the metric system and foreign currencies, the bane of many American travelers. We have never gotten the hang of them, and we are paying for it — sometimes literally. I’m pretty sure I overspend every time I travel because I don’t want to look like an idiot as I struggle to convert currency to a number with which I’m familiar. And how many items of clothing have I purchased on vacation because I misjudged the Celsius temperature? Over the years, I have come up with a few quick conversions that will help the math-challenged when they travel abroad.

In most of the world, gasoline and other liquids are sold in liters, not gallons. To get an approximate idea of the gallon price, multiply the liter price by four. It’s not exact but it’s pretty close (“close enough for government work,” as they say in my part of the country).

If you are purchasing fuel, you will probably think this liters-to-gallons calculation is wrong. I assure you, it is correct. Gas costs a fortune outside the United States. American fuel prices have been a bargain forever and still are a bargain today, even though they are approaching $3 a gallon (higher out West). For example, the price of gasoline in Milan is $2.85 per liter. (Yes, I know the price would be in euros, but bear with me; we’ll get to euros in a minute.) Multiplying by four, the cost per gallon works out to be about $11.40. Outrageous! Still, you need fuel, so pay for it, deal with it and move on. But turn off that air conditioner; you’ll get better mileage.

• liters x 4 = gallons

When the front desk calls your room at 6 a.m. with your wake-up call, you tune to the news and hear that it’s 33 degrees Celsius. So, you bundle up. Wrong answer! 33 degrees Celsius is roughly 96 degrees Fahrenheit. I find it much easier to comprehend the difference between 60 F and 72 F than the difference between 19 C and 22 C, though the ranges are roughly the same. I just never got the hang of the metric system. My second-grade teacher told me I’d live to regret it, and she was right.

A simple calculation is to take the Celsius temperature, multiply it by two and add 30 — again, not exact, but it will be close enough to know whether you need the parka or the bikini. Note, however, that the quick calculation does not work at the extremes of the temperature scales, but if you’re traveling to Antarctica or the Sahara desert, you already know what the weather is going to be like.

• Celsius x 2 + 30 = Fahrenheit

They say that money is the root of all evil (and most divorces), and it certainly tends to be a problem for travelers. There are literally hundreds of currencies in this word and there is no universal conversion rule for all those pesos and rupees and bahts. But it is possible to wrap your mind around the euro, the currency of the European Union. Yes, I know the euro fluctuates more often than my son whines about video games, but recently one1 euro has cost about $1.20.

The conversion hint for this euro/dollar exchange is a little tricky. You’ll start with the euro price and you’ll need to remember it. Here you go: To get the dollar value, double the euro price, drop the last digit and then add back the original number. (Strategically placed pause to catch up.) For example, you are looking at a beautiful Louis Vuitton golf-club bag on the Champs-Elysées with a price tag of € 5,300. So, take the 5,300 and double it (10,600), drop the last number — a zero — and you have 1,060; now add back the original euro price, 5,300, for a total of $6,360. (Now I know why I don’t golf — or shop on the Champs-Elysées.) It’s not an exact calculation, but it gets you in the ballpark. Checking in at www.xe.com, a wonderful currency Web site, the exact conversion at press time was $6,414.83, which reflects a higher exchange rate.

• euro price x 2, drop the last number, add back the original euro price = US dollars

There are a few other quick conversions that may help you; they are not quite as accurate but they do help. A kilogram is about two pounds. A kilometer is about half a mile. Again, not entirely accurate, but it does help to know that 100 kilometers is roughly 50 miles — especially when you are on the autobahn with three full bladders in the back seat asking “Are we there yet?”

The answer is, “No!”

Airline Going Under? What To Do.

Like the pigs in the parable “The Three Little Pigs,” Delta Air Lines averted a strike by the hair on its chinny-chin-chin. This time it was Delta. Next time, it could be Delta again, but it could just as easily be Northwest, United, Continental or any U.S. carrier.

The airline industry is in a tailspin. Oil is very close to $70 a barrel, Northwest and Delta are still in bankruptcy, Independence has ceased operations and the labor force, as a whole, is unhappy with its end of the “bargain”. Passengers are upset, and it seems to me that loyalty to individual carriers is waning. Delta said that a pilots’ strike would put the airline out of business. All told, not a great situation for flying the friendly skies.

What will happened if your airline goes under? Nobody knows. Certainly not the millions of frequent and not-so-frequent fliers who are now anxiously examining their tickets and mileage statements.

So, what’s a traveler to do? My advice has not changed much from last year, when I first wrote on this topic.

Protect your investment. First, buy on credit. Your credit card company may give you some protection if your airline fails to deliver the product it promised. But make sure it is a credit card, because a debit card purchase won’t be protected; a debit transaction is essentially a cash transaction. Second, get travel insurance. As long as your carrier is not on your insurer’s “Do Not Insure” list, your investment, less the premium, will be protected. (Check with your travel professional to find out who’s on the list.) Frequent travelers will have to weigh the benefits, however, as cost will be an issue for them.

Protect your itinerary. When your plane is grounded for good, the remaining U.S.–based carriers are required by federal law to protect you by honoring the defunct carrier’s ticket. But only on the exact same route, and only on a standby basis, so you will be vulnerable in markets that are served by only a few carriers. For now, the mandated rebooking fee is not to exceed $50 per person per flight — not per trip, per flight. Of course, if you’re rebooked, don’t expect to be on time to your destination. In fact, you should expect to be delayed at least a full day, so you will need to modify or cancel your down-line reservations, including hotels, meeting rooms, car rentals, cruises and other modes of transportation.

Beware the code share. When code sharing started in the 1990s, the idea was to extend an airline’s reach (and market share) by sharing equipment with other airline partners. At the time, it was unthinkable that a partner would stop flying. When it does happen, chaos will reign: Lufthansa’s people on US Airways’ planes, Emirates’ people on Delta’s planes, Singapore’s people on United’s planes, Continental’s people on Delta’s planes — the list goes on and on. In fact, when one airline stops flying, the shutdown will probably affect the operations of 10 to 20 other carriers. Thank you Star Alliance and Oneworld!

Remember, the code-share partner entered into the agreement because they didn’t have the equipment to service you in the first place. If your airline is facing a lot of turbulence, you are better off booking your reservation with the carrier whose planes will actually get you to your destination. It may cost a bit more, but it is a nice insurance policy if you absolutely must be someplace at a given time.

What about my points? So, you have amassed a million points. Congratulations. But if your carrier ceases operations or grounds its fleet, those points are pretty much worthless. People with fewer than 100,000 points can try to convert them to magazine subscriptions or merchandise through a service like milepoint.com. For more than 100,000 points, I suggest you make an award-ticket reservation with a partner airline, flying on the partner’s equipment. The partner will honor that ticket, no matter how it was obtained. If you need to change the reservation down the line, most airlines will accommodate you for a fee — typically around $100.

What can you do now? Step away from the Web. Imagine the huge number of transactions that online agencies (including the airline’s own sites) handle on a typical day. Now imagine the day when a major airline stops flying. The online sites do not have a mechanism to handle a situation of that magnitude.

Instead, you need to go back in time, way back to the days when you dealt directly with a human being for your air travel needs. If you are booked online, get a telephone number and contact your agency directly. Yes, Orbitz and Travelocity are travel agencies, and if you booked with them, they must help you rebook your flights. But be prepared for a wait, because phone inquiries to the online agencies are typically handled through a call center. You can also try calling the airline directly, but know that airline reservations lines average a 20-minute hold on a good day. Of course, the ticket counters will be swamped.

All in all, this might be an outstanding time to have been working with a traditional travel agent. More often than not, traditional travel agents can access the airline’s inventory faster than the airline itself, and they can reticket you immediately. Unfortunately, they can’t usually “fix” an online reservation — or any other reservation that was not booked by them in the first place.

So, if your airline is about to go down, listen up: Do not book your tickets online, use your credit card for all ticket transactions, purchase insurance if it is feasible, move some miles, prepare for the worst and be sure to keep your travel professional’s business card handy.

Delta may have dodged the bullet this time, but you can be assured that the turbulence is not over by a long shot. Personally, I think we could stand to lose a carrier or two; our transportation infrastructure might end up more solid and our skies might become friendly again. It will take some time to sort everything out, but with a dose of patience, a pinch of manners — no, make that a heap of manners — and a clear head, we will get through this mess.